Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
false alarm. still invincible.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
