Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
