Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
