I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
