My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
