I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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