He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
