RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize