perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
