You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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