it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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