Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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