and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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