how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
