It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
