So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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