Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
