dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
