WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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