3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
