The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
