I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
