I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
