I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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