I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
