sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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