Apparently you make a good broom.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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