She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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