He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We are all done wearing pants today
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
