haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
