Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
