you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
