fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
