she was so not down for the gang bang
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
