we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
