don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
COCAINE IS GR8
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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