Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
