i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
