He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
