That's when you crack a 10am beer
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I am mentally ready for anal.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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