my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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