When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
