Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
