honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
