somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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