am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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