At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
