ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
