There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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