i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
