why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
