so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
