I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
